The Old Us

If you would shadow me in my day job (medical assistant to a podiatrist), you would soon take notice that a good portion of our patients are senior citizens. Many of them come in on a routine basis and so I get to know them and a bit about their stories. There are many couples who come into the office together - most of them want to be taken back to the same exam room at the same time. Funny how they don't want to be separated. It isn't a rarity to have couples who have been married at least 50 years. We have quite a handful who have been married 60 years or more! And so because I have the privilege to take care of this amazing generation of people, I can't help but take advantage of the opportunity, upon hearing how many years they've survived through together, to ask them if they have a secret to their success - any words of advice. You'd think that most of them would have plenty of insight to impart to my hubby and I - newbies compared to them. But its strange. For most, they are quiet. They don't know how to answer my question. Or maybe the answer is so multidimensional for them that they don't know where to start.

But there are a couple of answers that have stuck out to me. One was unforgettable because for Jason and I, who dissect and analyze every decision we make, playing it safe and being logical and simple in our direction in life (most of the time), this answer was intriguing and thought provoking. It came from a lady who had been married for at least 50 years. I believe she told me that her husband has passed away. I could tell that she had really loved her husband and that they had a strong relationship. I asked her if she had any advice to impart to Jason and I. She simply said, "just go for it." Just do it. Say yes more. In a life where we work hard daily and our focus is on the here and now, trying to make the best decisions so that we can provide for a simple yet enjoyable life for our little family, saying "yes" more is scary. But I have to ask myself, what are we missing when we don't? I know that life can change instantly in a matter of a moment. For any of us. And though I don't live out of fear because of it, I also don't want to let moments pass empty that could be filled with life. You know what I mean? One of my biggest guilt trips is letting moments pass empty. I'm well aware that the clock is ticking, I see the hands moving in my periphery. Ethan will be graduating high school next year. Noel two years after that. Its hard to imagine, but Ethan is only 3 years younger than I was when Jason and I got married. Moments are passing - what do I need to say yes to?

Another word of advise came from a gentleman who said that we need to treat marriage like a job. He says it takes a lot of diligent work. I would venture to guess that he would say that work and action are foundational to marriage and that feelings are secondary. This answer reminded me of a question I posed to my mom in the months before I got married. I had asked her what percentage of marriage was work, and what percentage of marriage was emotion? Jason and I have been married for almost 19 years. Nothing compared to the couples I come in contact with daily. However, its enough time to know that marriage is a lot of work, a lot of sacrifice, and dare I write, submission, (despite how we're feeling) on both our parts. But I also would suggest, for a least Jason and I, there is a lot of emotion, a lot of feelings, that help strengthen and keep our marriage strong. For me, feelings are just as important as the "work" of marriage. Its only when I'm ruled by negative feelings that I make life hard for my hubby, lol!

I can only imagine what we'll be like if both of us survive long enough to reach 50+ years of marriage! I wonder what words of advice I'll impart to someone who wants to hear an old lady's opinion? And what would Jason's advice be? ;) What kind of old couple will we make? I've seen couples come in with strong marriages, despite real life altering health concerns. Some are serious and tired. Others are positive and pleasant. While others are senile and confused. I imagine we'll be a mixture of all that!

Jay and I decided to go on a date this past week, taking advantage of time we both had together away from work. It was 9am. On our way to Bob Evans, we got behind a slow car which Jason passed as soon as he was legally able to. We were hungry and needed coffee. It was an older couple so we just smiled and shook our heads. As we were parking at the restaurant, the same slow moving older couple pulled in, We were thankful to have gotten to the door first. We ate our breakfast and headed to Lowes so we could look around and dream about the projects we wanted to accomplish in our new house (wallpaper be gone!). Then we headed home. On our way, we got behind the same slow moving old couple! And guess what road they turned onto? The very same we did! Apparently, they live in our neighborhood. I told Jason that we will be just like them when we grow up.

They are the Old Us.